Genesis 16:2-5 TLV:
Sarai said to Abram, “Look now, Adonai has prevented me from having children. Go, please, to my slave-girl. Perhaps I’ll get a son by her.” Abram listened to Sarai’s voice. So Sarai, Abram’s wife, took her slave-girl Hagar the Egyptian and gave her to Abram her husband to be his wife. Then he went to Hagar and she became pregnant. When she saw that she was pregnant, in her eyes her mistress was belittled. So Sarai said to Abram, “The wrong done to me is because of you! I myself placed my slave-girl in your embrace. Now that she saw that she became pregnant, so in her eyes I am belittled. May Adonai judge between you and me!” Abram said to Sarai, “Look! This was your idea, not mine! So don’t blame me! I listened to you. Really, this is your fault!”
That’s not what Abram said, is it? No, it’s not. Although I must say, such a response would have made sense. After all, Sarai is the one who doubted God’s providence and took matters into her own hands when she suggested this whole idea of giving Hagar to Abram. When Sarai says to Abram, “The wrong done to me is because of you!”––it’s a little off base, because Sarai is the one who started this ball to rolling in the first place. Right?
Wrong. Sarai is not the one who started this ball to rolling in the first place. The one who actually started this ball to rolling was Abram, back when Abram doubted God’s providence and took matters into his own hands. To see that, we have to flip back a few chapters to Genesis 12...
“Now there was a famine in the land. So Abram went down to Egypt . . . When he was about to enter Egypt, he said to Sarai his wife, “I know that you are a woman beautiful in appearance, and when the Egyptians see you, they will say, ‘This is his wife.’ Then they will kill me, but they will let you live. Say you are my sister, that it may go well with me because of you, and that my life may be spared for your sake.” When Abram entered Egypt, the Egyptians saw that the woman was very beautiful. And when the princes of Pharaoh saw her, they praised her to Pharaoh. And the woman was taken into Pharaoh’s house. And for her sake he dealt well with Abram; and [Abram was given] sheep, oxen, male donkeys, male servants, female servants, female donkeys, and camels.” (Genesis 12:10-16 ESV)
Among those female servants was Hagar the Egyptian! So you see, Abram is the one who actually started this ball to rolling. In fear, he suggested an idea to Sarai––that she pretend to be his sister. Sarai listened to Abram’s voice and played along. Enter Hagar, stage left. We then roll the play forward to Genesis 16: in fear, Sarai suggests an idea to Abram and Abram listens to Sarai’s voice. Enter Ishmael, stage left. One could say Ishmael is Sarai’s fault, but Hagar is Abram’s fault. Had Abram trusted in God’s providence, knowing that God would protect him in Egypt, Hagar never would have entered the storyline in the first place.
This whole thing must be playing on Abram’s mind as he finds himself looking at the end of his wife’s finger. She is yelling at him, saying, “The wrong done to me is because of you!” It is off base? Yes, somewhat. But notice the restraint with which Abram answers her. He says to Sarai, “Your slave-girl is in your hand. Do to her what is good in your eyes.” Abram does not defend himself. Abram does not say “This is your fault, not mine!” Why? Because he sees the bigger picture. He realizes he has only himself to blame. His wife Sarai simply mirrored his behavior. She had followed his example. And I think herein lies the lesson. When you act in fear and take matters into your own hands, you take the reins away from God. It is at that point that bad stuff starts to happen (even if, at first, you think you’ve resolved the problem). It’s even worse if you’re married because your spouse is your reflection. When you act in fear, it’s likely your spouse will too.
